Glasses and my mom heart

Four weeks ago I went to the Sally Clarkson Mom Heart conference. It was a wonderful time of learning and I came home with renewed vigor in how I parent my children. Of course when things at home are sunshine and roses, everything you learn in a conference seems so easy to live out. When things are difficult, that's when you really learn about yourself and your children.

Marlie, Blake and I went to see the Wizard of Oz at the theatre downtown on a Wednesday night. Thursday morning Marlie couldn't find her glasses. I was really annoyed with her, she frequently doesn't put her things away and because of that, she looses things. I thought for sure the glasses were in the car or in her room. I told her that after her schoolwork was done, she wasn't allowed to do anything until those glasses were found. She spent the afternoon sniffling and fighting tears, while looking for the glasses.

By Saturday afternoon she still had not found the glasses and, my blood was boiling because I was sure those darn glasses were in her room somewhere. I spent several hours going through her room, with no luck. Marlie was weepy, sad that she lost her glasses, and upset because I was so angry with her. I spent another hour on the phone with the parking lot company, the security company, the restaurant near the theatre, and the theatre itself, trying to see if anyone turned in glasses. I even went as far as to drive us all downtown and walk around where we were, to see if she had dropped them.

During this whole time, everyone kept asking her where her glasses were. Every time I recounted the story of the lost glasses, I saw her countenance fall a little bit. I felt bad for her, but not that bad, I mean these weren't cheap glasses! They were Laura Ashley glasses, that we had only found at one store. It was going to be hundreds of dollars to replace them.

At some point during all of this, I called my friend Lisa. We had gone to the Mom Heart Conference together, I told her the whole story, then asked her,"What would Sally Clarkson do? I mean if this was one of her kids, what would she say to them?" I don't remember exactly what Lisa said, but it was pretty much *not* what I was doing or saying. I do remember Lisa telling me that Sally would probably just buy the kid new glasses, tell them to be more careful next time, and just move along with their life. Hrm, move along with my life huh? I halfway listened, because I knew she was right, but I didn't all the way listen, because I was still annoyed.

The following Wednesday we still hadn't found the glasses, so it was time to replace them. I told Marlie that we were going glasses shopping when Daddy came home. She breathed a little sigh, and her shoulders slumped, "Ok, mama" she said. Then a waterfall of tears started again, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to loose them...." I told her it was okay, (but that wasn't how I felt on the inside).

That night she was very quiet in the car and so was I. I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that I didn't have to bring all the kids shopping with me, but still dreading the trip. As we walked through the mall, it was like time stood still for me and I processed the entire week. I thought about how terrible this shopping trip must be for Marlie. I realized that I was practically torturing her with the memory of the stupid lost glasses. She had done everything she could to look for them, apologized over and over and I was still mad. I thought about how she was going to remember this week for the rest of her life. She was going to remember how I handled this. I didn't want her to remember that I was a jerk, and mean to her when she lost her glasses. I wanted her to remember that even though I was disappointed, that I loved her and helped her find a pair of glasses, even cuter than the first pair!

Just then we walked past the See's Candy shop, I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. She looked at me a little confused. I said, "Pick whatever you want sweetie". She smiled at me and picked out a .70c lollipop. I bought the lollipop, and went back outside. As we walked hand-in-hand, Marlie's countenance began to lift. She started giggling and pointing to clothes in store windows that she liked. We eventually found our way to the glasses shop, where we laughed at some of the goofy looking glasses that she tried on. She didn't find any glasses that she liked, but it was okay. Our time was running out, so we headed back to the car. She squeezed my hand and latched herself to my side and said, "Thanks mama, this was really fun."

Oh, the guilt. I gave her a great big hug and told her I loved her. I told her was sorry that I was so angry about the glasses. I told her that I didn't ever want to hear her say how sorry she was for loosing her glasses again. I told her that we were going to find the cutest glasses, even cuter than the first pair.

My heart was ripped out and made better by my sweet little girl who only wanted to please, but that I wanted to punish with my anger. Silly, silly me. God wants me to love my girl with my Mom Heart, and raise her to be compassionate and caring. How will I ever do that if I don't show her that same kindness and compassion? They were glasses, just glasses. She was way more important to me than lost glasses.